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If God couldallow me to be even closer to you, then I would be very happy. But, Iam not a queer. You understand that, don't you." A relationship between a man and a woman is not queer, or sinful," Iexplained. "The Lord recognises women who have not always lived aswomen." I was, of course, referring to Matthew 19:12. I said: "I wouldnot ask you to commit a sin, and homosexuality is a sin. It would haveto be a relationship between a man and a woman. If that is God's plan,of course." As always," he said, "I will be guided by you, Pastor Paul, and by thewill of God as you explain it."I was so thrilled I could hardly sleep that night. I knew then what Ihad to do. I had to become a woman. I had to have my body changed sothat I could receive this man's body into mine. I had to learn to be awoman and a wife - somebody that he would be proud to call his.Somebody who could offer him everything that a woman could, even if thatdid not include his children. After all, it would be too. My father waited for me to answer what had really been a question. I wasn't sure how I wanted to answer him. I wasn't sure I even wanted to answer him."I don't know what it is now, or what I'm hoping it becomes. I don't think of it as a harem though. I'm trying to incorporate other people's needs into it, along with my own needs, and those of the girls's. Mama has told me that she thinks Joyce is well suited for me, suited both to my temperament, and to my ambitions. Part of what I'm doing is trying to show her that I've listened to her counsel. Joyce and I do get along very well, but we have some areas that need improvement. Emily and I are apart right now, and, perhaps, we won't ever be reconciled. Part of what I'm attempting with her, is to find out if we have enough of a community of interest to make it worthwhile attempting to maintain our relationship. Brenda, well she's the same Brenda. She has this amazing physical attractiveness, and I'm attempting to find some ways to make.
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