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. I just wanted to have some personality, to fit in some group, waiting for someone who was caring enough to understand me and discover that I'm a nice person inside, I just can't leave my shelter... But in that small town, they just cared enough to insult a sixteen year old girl for no reason. I was charged and considered guilty of being something I didn't even understand. People of the church started to cross the street when see me coming. At school I was called names. The little number of supposed friends I had - girls who were jealous or just were as anti social as I was - simply disappeared. I was left even more alone than I already was. Life turned into hell. And still, I had a man who secretly hated me - my father, enraged at losing his wife to give birth to this freak... I wanted it to stop. I had no reason to live. I felt like I just wanted to die. And then, it happened. Once in a while my dad had night shifts at the factory. When this happened I had the habit of going to a. "You can't!" she blurted out "You don't have a soul. You don't know what it means to care about people," she couldn't look at the body. This was the work of the creature she had invited into her house, that she had allowed to feed off her mother and s!ster like some goddam leech. She thought of Dawn or Joyce lying there dead on the crypt floor or sired, walking around as inhuman monsters, evil facades of their real selves. She wanted to run all the way home and clutch them to her, feeling their warmth and humanity. The thought that Drusilla could have killed them, sired them, harmed them in any way whilst Buffy just watched, chilled her to the bone. "No", she told herself quietening her rising panic and self-disgust "They're fine, alive, human, don't even know what happened. What will I tell Willow to get her to bar Dru from the house again?" I love you." YOU CAN'T LOVE! You think you can but you're like someone who is colour-blind, you think you know what the world looks like but.
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