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Daddy just smiled. “After last night, honey, I think we can ask a few personal questions, hmmm?”It was my turn to laugh and snort, and I suppose that really broke the ice. Mom spoke up next from over at the counter. “Amber, now you know we’re into swinging. Well, a big part of that is trust. Trust and honesty and openness. We should talk about things.”My father nodded in agreement. “Your mother and I have no secrets from each other. We tell each other everything, what we do, what we’ve done, what we’re planning. Total honesty.”“Jesus!” I exclaimed, and then looked guiltily at my mother. You don’t swear in our house!Surprisingly, for once, my mom didn’t yell. She simply said, “Please don’t use gutter language, Amber.”“Sorry.”“Answer your father, please.”I looked at my father and took a deep breath. “I’m on the Pill, Daddy.”“For how long?”We were really going to get into it. “Since late last fall, right after Thanksgiving, I guess.”“Is that when you became ... sexually active?” asked. I really had no idea what I was in for.The process of loading me into the truck was reversed, and I found myselfstanding in the parking lot, awaiting instruction. I realized that I wasactually becoming dependant on external guidance.I was losing the ability to choose a course of action for myself.In school, I knew where I was supposed to go at any given moment. In myowners home, I had a series of tasks to do and if there were any changes,my control program directed me to the proper place.But here, in a parking lot, all I could do was freeze in place and repeatover and over in my head, "I am an appliance, I am just a householdappliance, I am a broom, I am an ashtray, I am nothing but an object...."and wait to be instructed to move.I assumed a pose that was appropriate for a maid, and waited.Ma'am said in my head, "Follow 3 steps behind me, mop," and entered thebuilding.I followed her in, still repeating my mantra over and over in my mind.She walked to the front desk and was greeted.
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