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” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring.So, at least I got home OK.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.“German,” she replies.“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I’ll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8. ”She smiled and knelt before me. “And I see I have thine eye.” She looked steadily up at me, fresh and young in a way yet as seasoned as ever, and as she unzipped me she whispered, “I only shiver the timbers of the most bloodthirstiest ever of pirates.” When she had extracted me, she gave a look of shocked surprise and said, “Quite the bowsprit.” After a second she chuckled quietly, “And I do think you’ll love the cut of my jib.”She leaned in and teased the tip with her tongue, then circled the head as my knees went weak and my loins leapt in delight. “Oh yes, captain,” she whispered, “my knees are flexible and my talents are all yours.” She circled my head and then my shaft with her tongue as she opened wide and took me in, circling, circling, as she took full possession of me at last, and then pulsed her mouth and throat when she had taken me fully inside.She started bobbing fore and aft as I reached down and cradled my fingers in her hair, and I watched her twinkling eyes and the.
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