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Since it is complicated, I just kinda date. That and the fact that my parents are rushing me to settle down when I don’t really want to. They want grandbabies and I don’t feel like delivering. Come on ladies, I know that everyone thinks that we’re always hot and horny, ready to pop kids out the oven after marrying our Prince Charming, but this chick isn’t ready for all that—and I probably never will be…again, I don’t know. So, in order to appease my parents, I go on these random blind dates that they arrange for me. Actually, sometimes they find the guy or the guy finds me, anyway you look at it, it keeps them happy. And happy parents make Ana happy as well. Thus, here I am on a Friday night after a long day of work getting ready to meet some man that I probably won’t get along with. I mean, I don’t go out with a closed mind and preconceived notions, I actually give these guys a chance, but they all seem to be missing some sort of umph. Ladies, you know what I mean. If there is no. With the exception of a handful of interviewees, every “dating guru” sounded like a total dork, including David DeAngelo (who claims that one time he put an “L” on his forehead and mouthed the words “loser” to a girl, and she found him attractive). What gave these guys “expert” status made no sense to me. I will admit, however, that there was some interesting stuff on there. One of the gurus described a tactic in which he’d program his phone number under the name “Sex God” into girls’ phones. Though it’d been over a year since I heard that particular interview, while talking with a hefty 31-year-old blonde at Woody’s, I applied the technique hoping all that time spent in the car listening to these hopeless bozos would yield some results. Her name was Pam. She was an inverted Butterface, so instead of having a hot body and ugly face, Pam had a hot face and ugly body. When I asked my buddy Axe if there was a name for that, his response was: “Fat.” Fair enough. Pam was on her way out as.
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