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Somehow I had until that moment always imagined in the back of my mind I would somehow be able to undo everything if needed and go back to my real male self again. I had just pushed away the thinking about that until then. Chapter 9. The surgeryEverything was set for my surgery and we were just waiting for me to turn 18 to legally be able to have the sex change surgery done. I didn't have the guts to kill myself and I didn't have the power to stop my transition, so I just realised I had no other option than going on with the planned surgery so that it just happened like that!The sex change surgery was planned so far in advance but I would have physically been ready for it when I was 15. The only thing we waited for was me to turn 18 for the legal side to say it could happen. I had realised I had played the game too far at that time and there was just no point in delaying it anymore. I never wanted to hurt my parents like I would have done if I had told the truth at that time.I was. I won’t apologise for terrifying your boyfriends, that is what Dad’s do, no boy is ever good enough for our daughter, but I do hope I didn’t put too much of a crimp in all the partying you deny went on. I loved giving you things that made you smile, an ice cream, sweeties, my old camera, they all resulted in that beautiful smile and a ‘thanks Dad’. You always thought I was jealous of all the views your pictures got on the web, but you were wrong: I was proud, so proud that I bought you a better camera than I had! And you repaid me handsomely by taking even better photo’s, (and of course with another beautiful smile AND a hug!) Emerald, your pictures have always been better than mine (Except when it comes to old planes of course!) and that is the crux of the matter. NEVER give up with the camera, even if it’s only taking pictures of your life for your old Dad. I’ll end now, as my eyes are watering. I just want to say you will always be the apple of my eye and will never disappoint.
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