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But also, for the fear andanxiety I was experiencing too! My mind was spinning at 100 miles perhour. Could I handle this big permanent change? What would myclassmates and roommate think? Would Mom, Dad and sister kill me? DoI really want to change my gender, I have no interest in boys, atleast I do not think so? And what did the girls mean by "Formaltransitioning?"But on the other hand, I will be gaining 30 new trustworthygirlfriends. I would be at the center of their attention and theywould overwhelm me with vanity. I would feel more confident andsecure as a step-sister than a freshman boy. I also love the feelingand I do admire my new outfit and the aurora I feel when wearingskirts and dresses. I do think Andrea likes me in a special way and Iam beginning to have feeling about her too. This would surely help meget closer to her as well. Louise and Andrea left the office dooropen when they left the office, two sisters have popped their headsin the office to give me a thumbs up with. Riving back home that night, I really found it difficult to get Diane out of my mind. For the first time since Connie, I had found a girl I really felt attracted to. With Connie, it wasn't so much a physical attraction for her as it was another quality, which I had taken to labeling charisma. With Diane, it was a strong physical attraction, plus the fact I liked her flamboyant and exuberant approach to life. How many girls would have been willing to make the kind of public spectacle of themselves she had? The confrontation with Leon and the other girl, and then the public display of herself she later made, collapsing on the sidewalk like that, and then crying so intensely. Even her sitting in the restaurant, blithely telling me all about her past sexual history had convinced me she was someone who wasn't afraid to embrace life fully. I wanted to be around her, to draw on some of her life force, for my own benefit. She had enough zest to release me from the funk I had fallen into.It is.
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