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InterludeThe funeral went by in a blur and a week later Mandy went back to school. She wanted to take the semester off but I insisted I would be okay. The truth was I wanted to be alone with my pain. Mandy had cleaned out most of Clara's stuff... although seeing her empty closet seemed worse than the way it had been. It seemed like I couldn't focus on anything but I knew I had to. There was a lot of paper work, friends of hers to notify, bank accounts, etc.Some days were better, some days worse. I tried drink but I was afraid of it so I limited myself to one glass of wine when I was by myself. One day I was cleaning up Clara's files on the computer, deciding what to keep, and what to delete. I logged on to her email account to see what I had to do there. The business emails I handled as needed; most were from department stores or such — I just closed those accounts.I went through her personal emails and responded to everything telling them of her death. Most of them were people I. What’s up with you? You’re not like this.Me: I was the guy who slept with someone who has a girlfriend, I feel lower than low. I feel like a cunt, horrible.David: Then is it over?Me: There was nothing between us to begin with. Please don’t do that to her again.David: Okay.Me: And let’s not talk from now on… until you sort out your priorities.David: Fuck off.I still felt like shit, but now I felt less like shit and more like a human. Something about that row had released part of my sadness. For a long time, the only form of communication between me and Dave was awkward glances. In that period, two other guys came into my life. Actually, that is debatable, because one of them was straight.This straight guy was one of my closest friends, Alan Sinclair. To be honest, I’d never felt any sort of attraction towards him (unless you count the teensiest little crush I had on him when I first met him). He was from many parts of the world, including Portugal, Brazil, Australia and Germany. But.
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