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I am about to be ripped open. I will myself to relax, but that does no good. If anything, I clamp down harder. I am not sure how much more of this I can take.“Bitte, stop! Just for a moment,” I am forced to gasp, not really desperate enough to use the safeword.“This is the worst part. It gets easier once I’m in.”“I know. Give me time to adjust.”He does so, holding his hand in place but not forcing it further into me.“You call the shots, love.” His voice is tinged with disappointment and resolve. “If you tell me to, I’ll stop entirely and pull out.”“I-- do not-- vant that.” I am panting now, desperately trying to catch my breath.For so long, this aspect of sex with a man has been so easy for me. I could accept into my body what few others could handle, even if there was little caring involved. How can I fail now, for the one I love? I have to prove to him how much I care. I have to go through with this -- But I cannot!!No, Kurt, you know better. You know you can. So what. And I don't think she had all those guys in the room watching her, either. I know that she was really upset and embarrassed, but I was the only one that they did the other too." I understand, honey. I am sure that it was very humiliating to have that happen, but to have it on a movie as well, is really terrible. I'm really sorry that it happened to you. Do you think it would help you, and us as a family, if we invited Pam over to talk today?" I don't know. I don't know if she'd come. I don't know if she'd want to talk abut it in front of you."Dad said, "Why don't you call her and ask her to come up to talk with you. Don't mention us at all. We'll take care of that part when she gets here."Pam came over in the early afternoon and was surprised when she found out that I had told my parents everything. She hadn't told her parents anything because she was afraid what her father might do. She agreed to talk with my parents and we all sat in the loving room trying to figure out the future..
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