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The weather was warm, it being July, I walked the thirteen miles home, making plans of how to bootstrap myself into a new lifestyle. Maybe into a new life.I used the hem of my robe to protect my hand as I opened the door. The kitchen provided rubber gloves, a couple of copper bowls, a plastic drinking cup, an old pottery coffee cup and some titanium flatware that came from my old camping kit. I took a corelle plate and a couple corelle bowls as well. It all went into a dishpan.Working with canned goods was going to be chancy. I'd have to transfer the food into plastic or glass containers while in the house, then take it outside to prepare anything. That reminded me--I needed a pot. I looked through my collection until I spotted a Calphalon anodized aluminum 1 and 1/2 quart pot, with a matching lid. Wonderful! It too went into the dishpan. The living room garnered me a brass bucket holding a bunch of old magazines and catalogs. I snatched it. Hanging from the wall was a decorative. A boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?"Granny replies, "Fuck the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"7. Wife gets naked and asks hubby, "What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"Hubby looks her up and down and replies, "Your sense of humor!"8. The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.9. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.10. I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.11. After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"12. I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen.
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