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I needed tobe brave. A man took my hand. He had a scar that resembled a bolt oflightning on his hand. "You're a very special girl, Natasha. I'm goingto send you to some people that will make you even more special."My vision shifted and now I was older. I was ten years old and I wasstanding outside in bare feet and dressed in a light, coarse nightgown.The snow pelted my face, icicles formed out of my nose, and my feet weretoo cold to feel anymore. It was so brutally cold. A frightening mandressed in a thick jacket and heavy boots came to stand in front of me.His face was almost hidden by the fur hat on his head. He was shivering.I remember feeling disdain for him. "Just a few more hours until dawn,Natasha. If you survive the night like this, you'll be rewarded. Youmust learn to control your needs. Everything is in your head. You cantell your body that it's not cold outside."I was angry and defiant. Who was he to tell me it's not cold when he'sstanding there in a jacket and shivering.. Pain is to be avoided.’ Natasha sat down next to Jessica and eased the young girl’s head into her lap, still stroking and petting her hair, but also letting her fingers roam elsewhere. Part of Jessica wanted to be bothered by that, but she felt so frightened and vulnerable that she welcomed the comforting touches, even as she forgot that Natasha was who she was frightened of and vulnerable to. ‘Only through obliteration of desire can we find fulfillment. And since desire is an artifact of the will, it follows that we must obliterate the will. We must end the cycle of desire and frustration, and the only way to end the cycle is to end thought and will.’ Even as she spoke, the phantom voices of other mantras echoed into her head. Exercise Thirteen once again reminded her that desire led to frustration and so the desires of others must be fulfilled to spare them frustration. Exercise Twenty-One whispered that the desire to please others was the only desire that could be fulfilled, and.
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