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I trembled and looked into Jim’s eyes. “You better never tell anyone about this,” Jim scolded, “I will tell everyone that you are a sissy.”He didn’t need to tell me not to say anything, I was embarrassed yet there was an intimacy I had never known. I just made my brother cum and that seemed like I was in some way in control of him. Jim rinsed off and grabbed his towel and left me standing in the shower with the water cooling off. It all felt like a dream, yet when I rubbed my fingers across my pubic area it was soft, smooth, and hairless.After supper we all sat in the TV room watching whatever my Dad put on the TV. He rarely paid much attention with his newspaper covering his view. But he owned the remote and we all knew it. Mom was finishing up dishes and this gave Jim the opportunity to rattle me a bit. He had said nothing at supper and I was relieved but now he was setting across the room and each time he had a chance he would make an open fist and mimic jerking off.I tried not to. Probably not. I remember when we would take Phantom for a walk down the trails and even sometimes down by the water. You would watch your pets play and run around. We would cuddle up on the sand and you would take control of me so deeply and passionately. You were always worried about me. If it was cold outside you would make me wear a hat and gloves to stay warm even though I didn't want to. I had never known anyone like you. Yes you were strict and demanding, but I loved every minute of it. I just wish I would have realized this then. I ran away from my destiny, I ran away from who I am and who I was suppose to be. I did not realize that until later, until it was to late! I go over in my head what I should have done andsome days wishI could go back in time and change the past, but whats done is done. Some things happen for a reason.I am married now, with a little boy. I married into the "nilla" life. I am happy, but will never fully be who I am suppose to be. It is hard to explain..
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