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I was an abomination, if so, why should I live? Theonly reason I lived on was for God, so I wondered whyI should even go on, and many times I was drawn tothe gun in my bed-side cabinet, never pulling thetrigger. It seemed inevitable that one day the guiltof it all, or even my clumsiness would end in mydeath. I nearly hated myself for what I was doing,especially when I knew how wrong it was.Yet, even as these thoughts completed their usualcourse, rounding through my head, I found my feetwalking. My hand moved itself upon the handle of myroom, which I had never had any "company" in. Thethought that I was nearly 30 and in fact had neverhad any "company" hit me smack in the face. I wassad, but I kept going, each step a journey in itself,my feet each hitting the un-vacuumed carpet, leavinga small "puff" of dust smoke behind as the foot waslifted up. Slowly, I reached the door, out of breath.I knew what was behind, I was practically selling mysoul to the Devil, as I had hundreds of times. It seemed only a moment later she fell into bed beside me, but a quick glance at the clock showed that it was 3 AM."Good time, baby?" I mumbled."Shhh.... go to sleep," she responded, and though her back was to me, I could smell salt and liquor on her breath. I chuckled and pulled her into a close spoon, noticing, that while she had removed her shoes, she was still wearing the orange and red plaid skirt and white blouse she had left in. I ran my hand along the curve of her hip and ass to the warm bare flesh of her thigh. Ever so slowly, my fingers ran back up and in, rotating around the front of her thigh as I lifted, millimeter by millimeter, the hem of her skirt. Before I could reach the panties I expected, however, her hand stopped me. "Go to sleep, Mike. I'm tired."Slightly hurt, but mostly too befuddled by sleep to question her, I rolled onto my back heavily and shut my eyes. Sleep came, but again it felt like a mere moment before I was awakened by her movements, though I did.
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