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She gave up a little, not all at once, a little here, a little there. It became easier to not argue, to not put up a fight. Because when she did, it only brought on more heartache to herself. The child, the woman, she, her… all being me. Sweet Jesus I wonder when I stopped caring. Why did I give up my fight? I wonder why I can’t see the light that is suppose to shine at the end of every tunnel? How did a woman so young in years grow to feel to empty and old? Jaded. I hide myself from friends for days on end, fearing they will see what I see when I look in the mirror. I shun my family for giving me the memories that have formed me into the person that I have become. I wonder what happened to the woman that use to be vivacious. She is a rare visitor, or maybe I just imagined her. Maybe she only exists in my mind. Because the only person I see theses is world-weary and raw. I don’t care for her much. Even now as I write, I beg myself to stop, because if I don’t, I am forced to think. ”“Nobody can avoid finding out. It’s the little things. But you’re a wonderful person, Tony. Your wives are wonderful. Even the one who’s missing. You have to have faith.”“I don’t believe in God.”“Then have faith in Kate. Don’t give up.”“How’d you get so wise, Amanda?”“Loved and lost and loved again.”“Now?”“Karl and I aren’t that far. Maybe next year.”She lifted her lips and kissed me. It was soft and comfortable, open and accepting. It was a kiss that went on for a long time, but even though I stiffened, I still wasn’t inclined to move toward her. She’d become a real friend over the past two years and I was happy just to hold her. After while we drifted off to sleep, our lips still touching.I went to the kitchen in the morning, thinking that I’d start coffee. I at least wanted a cup. Amanda and I had stayed wrapped in each other’s arms all night, but when I woke up with an erection pressed into her tummy, I pulled away and slipped out of bed. I’d make love to her if she wanted, but I.
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