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.leaving marks, my nail imprints there...exhausted...we lie in each others' arms...breathing heavily...trying to catch our breathe....his chest heaving...I can feel him inside me still...he remains that way...no words need to be spoken...as our silence speaks volumes...I close my eyes...and I know...he has to leave soon...Caressing my tits..he whispers 'I love you'...if only things were different..' In my mind I think...'How could I...I am one awful bitch to do this'...then...that question...'do you love me?.....yes you do...say you do....' and when I don't reply immediately...he stops caressing my tit...and puts his arm over his face and says..'oh fuck...'...and pulls out and walks to the shower...comes back into the room and yells 'look at the marks you left on my chest...how could you....fuck fuck fuck!!...Okayeeeee...I feel like a cheap whore...and as much as I care for him...I get up...grab my pair of scissors and nope...I do not castrate him...but I cut up his trouser butt...and. Would you really rather it be with a total stranger?”“Well, no, but …….”“No buts, Pat. Just relax and enjoy it.” Of course, his logic was simple and undeniable: Why was it that the mere fact that I had watched him grow up somehow made it more acceptable for me to do it with a virtual stranger than with someone I’d know for almost thirty years? In a way, he reminded me of another old friend whose understanding and simple logic had put things into perspective for me many times. I wondered what Jamie would tell me now; deeply regretting that I had let my own doubts and fears get the better of me and sent him out of my life rather than admit what my true feelings for him were. Would I be making the same mistake if I walked away from this?When I really thought about it, Jamie was very open minded sexually, so I had a pretty good idea about what he would say; so while I still felt a little funny about it, I nervously bit my lip and decided to explore the situation a little further and see.
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