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The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'Lemon SqueezeThere once was a religious young woman who went toConfession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'The priest thought long and hard and then said,'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.' The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'Catholic DogMuldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked,'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor. I could see then that the water that was streaming down the walls was the color of blood.The woman’s voice became a tormented wail of agony, and she screamed shrilly. The noise spilled over into the dark of the basement corridor and echoed across the ceiling and walls. I kept pulling open the door. Its light was casting back the darkness that had been enveloping me. I squinted to let my eyes adjust to the brightness of the room. I could see two tables, and atop them were two bundled shapes and what looked like ropes.As my vision clarified, I stepped into the room. Four stark walls confronted me, each one ten feet by ten feet, which made up the sparse chamber. Two concrete slabs, used as crude tables, sat about waist high. They occupied both the left and right-hand sides of the room. Atop the left-hand slab was a bound figure, a female, and she was sobbing. Her body was tied up grotesquely, into a position that had her limbs intertwined and twisted. Obviously, it was done to achieve.
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