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Andrea and Kim came home later, chattering so raucously I could hear them over the water in the shower.. They were planning a busy weekend. I dried off, and took my time carefully shaving. I went to my room, and pulled out my most stylish suit. As I stood there naked, laying out my clothing, there was a knock on my door."Jimmy....oh I'm sorry, I didn't know you weren't dressed!" Andrea averted her eyes but walked right in."It's nothing you haven't seen before." Yeah, but I always saw it quite a bit softer, and flabbier, you're looking good!"She stopped averting her eyes, and looked me over like she hadn't in years."Was there something you wanted to ask me?"She abandoned whatever fantasy was currently playing in her mental cinema and explained to me that they had been invited to a cabin in the Poconos to go skiing that weeked. She wanted me to take Jeffy, even though it was her weekend with him."Sorry Andrea, something has come up. I have to be in the city tonight, and may not be home. I was not attracted to boys either, perhapsbecause of prayer, but more likely because then I was one of them. Theywere like my brothers, all of them. You are not sexually attracted toyour own brothers.When I say that I don't know what suddenly changed me, it is because Icannot think of a single moment when I realized what I was. We neverlearned anything about what the word transgender meant - I had never evenheard of it until rumspringa. Then I just gradually came to understandthat it was the word that described me.It is hard for people who have been brought up in a closed community tofind their way in the world, but It hooked up with a transgender group inthe city and they took me into my care. I remember that they were so kindto me I said that they must be Christian, but they just laughed. "We'renot religious, we're your sisters," they said.Some people's faith is shaken by death, disaster or injustice. Mine wasshaken by kindness. They loved me not because of a direction.
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