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Well, not exactly the same, but similar. All I know is I didn't want to live without those feelings - no matter what it cost me. Looking out at the peaceful pond settled me some, but I still struggled to get Daddy's disgusted look outta my head. He was hard on me growing up, but I always thought he loved me and wanted to do what was best for me. It felt darn good when I heard him bragging on me to the farmhands. "Nathan's the strongest one on the team," he'd said. "Plows over those quarterbacks like they're nothin'."Me being gay was just a part of the problem. The other part was I didn't want to be a farmer. I guess Mamma was right to keep me home and away from the rest of the world. One can't miss what one doesn't know. Great-granddad, then Granddad, then Daddy had run the farm. Naturally, Daddy expected me to take over one day. At one time, I thought I would, but not anymore. Maybe my being gay would solve that problem for me. Doubtful Daddy wanted me working by his side on the. Their earlier successes had faded, and been shown to owe more to the famous effect of making any significant change in an institution than to any inherent merit of the strict dress codes themselves. That wouldn't have been enough to force a change by itself, given the usual inertia of school districts and the like. The real killer had been the lawsuits on behalf of intersexed and other sexually nonstandard students. Some failed, but many succeeded. And the costs to the schools was enormous, win or lose.Like most districts, theirs had mostly reverted to the earlier dress codes. Those were based on health, safety and disruption, and were largely immune from such lawsuits. Some of the skirts his aunt and cousin had foisted off on him would not meet the new standards, being too short. And much the same was true of some of the blouses. But he was left with a very wide range of choices.In the end, after pressure from both Lena and his mother, he got a few things.On the way home, he was.
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