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She managed to ask if she could come in. I got up and went to her. I wasn't mad at her. She wasn't responsible for the way my parents had treated me.I held her in my arms and through her tears she was finally able to say, "I didn't know! How could I not know! Oh god! Lindsey! I'm so sorry!"Then she broke down completely. I held her tight and fought back my own tears. I responded, "Don't cry, Laura. I'm not upset with you. You and I have always been close. I love you. It wasn't anything that you did."She sobbed and exclaimed through her tears, "But I never even noticed! How could I not notice?!"I replied, "Because it was just the way that things were. You didn't see it because it didn't affect you. It wasn't happening to you. You probably thought that I was being treated differently because I was older or because I was a screw-up. But I wasn't always a screw-up. I don't think that I realized until just now that I have probably been reacting to the way they treated me. I didn't spend. Suffice it to say that my senior year was a mixture of more pain, with the occasional pleasure of Heather coming home to visit. The parents must have been less sympathetic, though, because they didn't disappear off somewhere on the holidays while Heather was there. Maybe they hoped she'd grown out of it. Maybe they just thought we were both adult enough to deal with the adversity, if it was there. Maybe they just hoped we had stopped.But we were experts by then at either finding places where we could let loose, or going the slower, quieter route of making love in one of our beds. The only pain in that was that we couldn't sleep together, and wake up in the same bed.The year dragged on. I won't go into a bunch of boring details, but I got through it. Heather loved her courses and got more and more excited about her career choice. Her work study job was in the library, so she could chat with me on the computer while I did homework.I still had no idea what to do with my life. I had.
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