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My first massage job was in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. I met a woman named Josefina at a hostel beside the Queens Expressway who told me it was the best way for someone like me to quickly start making money. But it wasn’t that much money, and it wasn’t quick enough. My family sent word a few weeks later that they were feeling pressure to begin paying the loan. Andre fronted me thirty thousand Canadian dollars. That was about one hundred fifty thousand yuan, a sum that amounted to a price of purchase. Then he brought me to Montreal. That was a year and a half ago. The first time, it changes the way you understand yourself. Forever, I imagine. Some girls say it makes them feel dirty, but that was never me. I felt like the lewd worms - that’s what we all call the clients - were the dirty ones. But they left me with a sort of absence that stays with me. What you lose is the ability to give or withhold that part of yourself freely. It is a piece of you that has been pulled out. This has nothing. "I don't want artificial insemination. I don't want a baby that sits in a frozen test tube before getting planted inside me." They gazed at each other for many minutes more, this time, however, not blankly. His eyes were filled with a fright bordering on panic. "You're talking about having another man fuck you," he said. The next few weeks were given over to fighting, which they both enjoyed more than depression. This time it was she who offered separation, freeing him to find a woman who "doesn't make such terrible demands." But when she said the word "divorce," the emotional static surrounding their verbal communication went suddenly silent, and her sentence hung clearly in the air. They stared at one another in amazement.It was the first time in their marriage when they realized that a breakup could actually happen to them, that they weren't figures in a fairy tale. In that instant, Tom knew he'd do anything not to lose Laura. Outwardly, however, he wasn't ready to capitulate so.
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