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But it felt so nice." "Syl, it’s not evil to express affection to someone you love. I am pretty sure that I am not lez and you probably aren't either. I like kissing guys and teasing their cocks too much to be a lezzie, but I think I am bi. I get aroused thinking of some girls, including you. I hope that doesn't scare you, or hurt our friendship. If necessary to keep your friendship, I will behave straight around you; but I would rather you let me explore and express my feelings for you." "Bev, you are my best friend. Although you have surprised me, I trust you. I know you wouldn't hurt me. And besides, I liked it. But please go slow, and let's see if I catch up." A week-or-two later we were going to the beach again. This time when we parked the car by the campground Bev immediately headed right for the 'family' restroom. I thought that I knew what she was thinking. We went in and locked the door, then took off our cover ups and our bikini tops. When we were topless she hugged me. I’m not sure exactly when summer landed, but somewhere during my chaotic past few weeks it hit the yard in full force. Stepping out onto the front porch, I took a deep breath and held it for a moment before breathing out again. My friends were watching me closely, as if they were waiting for another breakdown. I turned and sat down on the porch swing, just as Maranda came outside and handed me a cup of coffee. Somehow I managed to flash a smile. ‘Thank you.’ ‘You’re welcome,’ she responded and kissed me. I took a sip of my coffee, closing my eyes and savoring the taste of it as it warmed my insides. All four of my friends were on the porch by the time I opened my eyes. Maranda was there beside me and I couldn’t help but think how lucky I was to have people who cared enough about me to put up with my shit. I was staring at my bandaged arm. ‘I don’t know what happened,’ I said aloud, not really directed at anyone. ‘I’ve never gone this far before. I’ve always been able to stop.
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