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Some company needs me to fix their crappy app. They want a face-to-face meeting to set things up so they book me into a hotel, a good hotel mind you, I don’t come cheap. In the hotel that evening I fire up my master app, the one I have the only copy of. That lets me have a look around. Who’s running my free app nearby? Any selfies? Pick a few likely prospects. The free app keeps a running check of how long it has been on screen. Sort the prospects by screen time, the more time the better. Check their locations: bar, hotel – good; office, home – not so good. A quick shower, grab my phone and off I go. Yeah, in case you’re wondering I make very sure that my free app isn’t on my own phone; my master app kills any copies that try to install themselves.I usually start with the bars, a lot of the women there are looking for a good time. It doesn’t take long to find a good prospect; I can tell by the way she looks at me. She recognises me. She’s seen my picture, subliminally, on my app.. 'But I've broken a nail! I'll have to get my manicure to fix that.'A light bulb flashed above the villains head. It appeared that some random idiot nearby had flicked a switch on the adjacent wall. 'A weakness!' he roared, 'You were silly to try and hide it from me my arch-nemesis! I shall pound your fingernails until you plead for mercy! Ahahaha! Come hither, I shall destroy you at once!'The villain charged at the buxom blonde, stumbling over all the rubbish cans along the way until he slipped on a greasy banana peel. 'Foiled by a land mine once again!' he cursed as he landed flat on his back, groaning as his spine cracked into place. 'You're a clever girl, you know that? Planting a device in such an inconspicuous location and leading me on to my doom. You have demonstrated once again your outstanding talent. I know your ways now and will not fall victim to any more of your inventive strategies! Aahaha!'The woman turned a blind eye to the villain and started putting on makeup. The.
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