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Although I was pretty good inteam sports I was still picked last.For example, when I was about twelve and walking home from school, this boycame up from behind me and said, "I want to see if you're a boy or a girl,"and goosed me. I fell down to the ground to protect myself. The physicalpain lasted only a minute or two. The emotional pain lasted a lifetime.In high school my senior class voted as to who was the best looking.Although I tried to hide what I was at the time I came in third in thevoting for girls behind two effeminate boys.Although I knew about the other boy I though back then that I was the onlyone like me and no one else had these thought that this boy shell shouldhave been a girl's. In fact at that age I was sent to psychiatrists becauseI was unhappy and uncommunitive. But I couldn't discuss how I felt withthese shrinks even though I went for a long time.As a teen I occasionally dressed in female clothes, sometimes gettingsexually excited, but the reasoning for me doing. Sadie? A policeman? This area, neighborhood? I was getting a real hinky feeling. No, not possible. It was not even remotely fucking possible!But, I had to ask the question. "Officer, can I ask, what is your wife's name?" I said."Jemima," he said. His look spoke of nothing so much as regret."You're welcome for everything. Now please leave," I said. I was speaking softly, but I was about to breakdown; I didn't need this."Mister Colson, please let me say..." he started."Please leave, before I embarrass myself by breaking down and acting like the wimp your wife knows me to be. Okay?" I said."Mister Colson, Rueben, please. I need to say some things, apologize ... I know Jemima and I..." Get the hell out, officer. I have nothing to say to you! And, you have nothing to say that I want to hear!" Now I was crying. He nodded, turned, and left."He wouldn't even let you apologize?" said Jemima. "Figures. Rueben Colson is a wimp. I will go to my grave grateful to him for what he did for our baby,.
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