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"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara Streisand c.d.'s, and renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"These are from a reader ... enjoy:A shoe repair shop: We will heel you We will save your sole We will even dye for you.A sign over a Gynecologists' office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix.";In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels.";On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday's Meals on Wheels;At an Optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.";On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed.";On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a. I was forced out of my old job, because I couldnt show up to work from being so brought down and depressed. I stopped eating, stopped doing really anything until my daughter came back from her grandparents house one evening. She went to visit them in the summer; my wife died while she was gone. My parents already explained how "Mommy drank too much apple juice one night, and she went into the wrong side of the road, and was hit by a big truck. But she is with the angels now," they told her. "She was in a happier place." And she beilieved it. Economy was rough, society was brutal; I could hardly take her out to eat anymore with all of the budget cuts. There for a while, I thought I couldnt even raise my own daughter. But once I had her back in my arms, something in me clicked. I was able to push past the depression and tragicness of the death of my wife, and managed to get back on my feet. I got a new, better job; one where I can work from home. I payed my bills on time, got her into.
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