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’ Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse’s anus and licked it. ‘Now you must do the same,’ he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed. ‘Second,’ the professor continued, ‘you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man’s anus, but licked my index finger?’A man with a mask on walks into a bank and goes to the desk. He pulls out a gun and points it at the lady at the desk. He says, ‘Open the vault skank’. The woman says, ‘Sir, this is a sperm bank. We don’t have any money here’. The man says, ‘Open the vault right now or I’m going to blow your fucking head off’. She opens the vault and turns back to the man and he said, ‘Take out one of those jars’. The woman said, ‘please sir, i promise you we don’t have any money here. This is a sperm bank’. The man said, ‘Take out one of those jars right now or I’ll blow your fucking head off’. The women turns,. Not that I’d have minded if you hadn’t but one does learn to respect good behaviour.’ ‘Vee, what is really going on?’ She looked at me steadily, the humour still in her eyes but something new as well. ‘Well, the way I see it is this. I may have been as drunk as my Uncle Eustace on Friday (he was notorious for having kept the Glenlivet Distillery profitable single handedly) but everything I told you is true, Rupe, Fenella and how I feel about you, have felt for ages I ought to say.’ She did that override an interruption thing with her hand. ‘Remain silent, a member of the aristocracy is babbling.’ Her smile made me smile. ‘I decided that a woman of my age should not conceal herself any more. For two reasons, I mean. For one, why should I hide the fact I am a dyke? I’m nearly forty for God’s sake and if the firm don’t like it they can stick their job, I’m loaded now anyway. Secondly, we have been chums for decades and I’ve always thought, well, if I never tell you, you might never.
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