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Carol’s death had taken its toll on me, I had become withdrawn and kept to myself as I spiraled into the darkest depths of loneliness and depression. I could not carry on our Christmas tradition, and without Carol, there was an emptiness I had never felt before.The night started out the same as the previous two Christmas Eve nights, no decorations or tree. I went to the kitchen and popped a frozen dinner in the microwave. I went to the liquor cabinet and took out a bottle of Dewar’s scotch.Heading into the family room with dinner and drink in tow, I sat in my recliner. Turning on the lamp next to me, I took a big swig of whiskey and then inhaled the dinner. I turned on the television, surfing the channels to find something to watch that had nothing to do with Christmas.I settled on watching the twenty-four hour news channel and before you could say mistletoe, I had polished off the whiskey bottle. Stumbling out of the chair, I staggered my way to the liquor cabinet and took out. E., my sister-in-law's daughter, with a nice wine buzz, resuming my passenger side second seat just as on the ride over. Then my wife sat beside me and we mutually left a thigh air gap that was of a piece with our decade of sexless marriage that brought us to the eve of 45 years. But now it was her sister, Pamela who scooted into the middle for the return to her home where we were guests.At first I hardly noticed. But a synapse crackled and I became aware that Pam's calf pressed cozily against my own once she settled in. My initial impulse was to slide my foot over slightly to give her room. But my inhibitions had been alcohol suffused just enough so that an inner voice said, oh just leave it there. Pleasant isn't it, so what's the harm? If she doesn't care for it she'll move herself away. If she's oblivious no harm either. If she leaves it knowingly, well just enjoy the touching and it's no big deal.Pam and my wife are each other's favorite siblings. Pam and I have gotten along quite.
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