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‘But that’s right!’ says his dad.‘Yeah, but then she asked me ‘How much is 3 x 2?’‘What’s the fuckin’ difference?’ asks the father.‘That’s what I said!’LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISHLittle RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’RALPHY says ‘Mas-tur-bate.’Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little RALPHY, that’s a mouthful... ‘Little RALPHY says, ‘No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.’LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMARLittle RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet. He yelled out, ‘Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!’The teacher replied, ‘Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’ Please use the word ‘ur-i-nate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.’Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, ‘You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be. Ed had never changed since I had first met him. It seemed he had a perpetual week-old, white beard and shoulder-length, white hair. His clothes always looked slept in and he had the very distinguishable scent of marijuana smoke plastered to his body. My mother had certainly changed a lot over the last several years, too. She had never been a petite woman, but she was always in relatively good shape and took care of herself. Her once dark brown hair had turned partially gray. Her 5'5" body was now weighted down with about 150 pounds and her once firm breasts now sagged. Mom always had a pleasant face, and it still was, but now it was covered with a few more lines and her eyes had a constant glaze to them.I hugged both Mom and Ed and invited them into my home. My mother seemed to be somewhat impressed with the place and I was pleased about this, though it probably looked a lot better to someone who had been living in an RV for the last five years. Ed was less interested and immediately.
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