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Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay. “What the heck are you doing Mick?” says Paddy. “Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me”, says an obviously embarrassed Mick, “but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.I took a bird back to mine for sex last night. After some complaints for the first five minutes like,”Stop, you’re too big!” And,”Please No, you’re really hurting me now!” The fat cow eventually rolled off me and let me go on top.As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, “Can you not just go out and have a couple of fucking drinks?”“Of course I can,” I replied, standing back up. “Just let me get my coat.When my precious little dog fell in the river Mersey, a German tourist jumped in the. "Welcome home, Sean," she said."Well, aren't you getting domestic in your old age," I said. I held her away from me and looked her up and down. She had grown. She was taller, her hair had grown out from its spiky length of a couple of years before, and she had filled out a little. Her face showed more experience than a girl her age should have had to go through, but she looked great, considering the circumstances. "You look good, Tara."She examined me. "And you're too skinny," she proclaimed."You've been spending way too much time with my mother," I said."And that's a bad thing?" My mom appeared at the kitchen door, a big smile on her face and a spatula in her hand."Nope," I said. "It's not." I walked over and gave her a big hug, picking her up and twirling her around."Sean! Cut that out!" Mom sounded stern, but I could hear the happiness in her voice."What have you got to fatten up a poor, starving college kid?" I asked."Well, we're baking cookies right now," said Mom."Cookies!".
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