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My bra warned me to wash in cold water and hand dry. My girdle warned me that prolonged squeezing of my abdomen could lead to faintness, intestinal problems and funny marks on my skin. My pantyhose could cause strangled calves if worn too long. Boy was I glad to know that, how could I ever thank our government for looking out for my safety.I began to relax while reading the latest Vain Giant Woman's Clothing catalog, and as you might expect I pickled up the phone (Warning: do not use this instrument when lightning is present or when in the bathtub) and called in an order. The woman was very nice until I ordered a new girdle.There was a pause and then she said: "Sir, new government safety regulations require me to ask you if you are a crossdresser. Recent studies have shown that no woman in her right mind would wear a girdle, and that the only people who purchase them are crossdressers. If, in fact you are a crossdresser, I am required to ask you several other questions so that the. ”“What’s the hurry dear? Did somebody rip Mr Van Winkie from his long nap?” Grandma was giggling and winking at Melody. Gramps was red-faced, but grinning at me as he led Grandma up the stairs.He mouthed ‘later’ just as Grandma said, “You know where the bedrooms are Charlie, you guys can sleep wherever suits your fancy.”She was giggling like a mischievous school girl. Melody was chewing her finger off, trying not to bust out laughing.“Gosh Charlie, you’ve got the cutest grandparents. How could you NOT have invited them to your wedding?” Melody giggled.“I don’t know. I feel like such a heel. I don’t think Dad knows how liberated they really are. I won’t make that mistake again.“Soo, let’s go figure out where WE’RE sleeping.”There were two bedrooms. One had two full size beds that belonged to Jake and Pete. The other had a queen size bed that was the guest room, where Mom and Dad used to sleep when we visited. After showing both rooms, I asked Melody, “Ladies choice?”“The Queen looks.
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