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This masquerade. It is true, I do want to take four cocks at once, but only so that Karajan will catch me, so he will punish me the way I deserve. If Karajan will not have me I simply must have as many cocks as I can take at once. Because only the love of Karajan will satisfy me!Even if Karajan were not watching—and he is, and were there no camera, and there is, were I to raise this window up without a sound, and creep through, if the vines could hold my limber body on the way down, if they did not break, and were I to race across the overgrown lawn with a whisper, unheard even to my myself—Karajan would hear. Karajan would snatch me down with one hand on my ankle as I surmounted the east stone wall, or before, covering my body with his in the cold frozen wet grass between here and that wall.If I bide my time, caress him, wait days, or weeks, ameliorate him with pleasant companionship, ply him with drink…wait for his slumber, and then, like a kat, tiptoe across the mushy lawn,. The wise thing would be to wear my boybriefs and try to pretend yesterday didn't happen. But that made me justmad. I knew I was a girl in a body with a defect. Why should I wearclothes that others want me to wear? I should wear the clothes thatreflected who I was. That is that I was a girl. Others had to respectthis and let me be who I want.One thing is theory and human rights, another thing is reality! As soonas I entered school people began to whisper to each other and otherscalled me sissy and gay and names like that. I tried walking by with myhead high, but I knew that I was about to cry. Lucky for me there wasclass. I noticed that everyone was saying good morning to everyone, butnobody was saying anything to me. I felt so alone at that moment.Friends that I had yesterday were suddenly ignoring me.At Lunch time, I hid in the corner. Three or four boys came over to me.They asked if I was wearing panties. I said yes.Then they started asking me if I was a sissy. I said noWas I a.
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