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I'd missed things, forgotten things, and messed up. Something I try very hard not to ever do. It was a shitshow, as John would say. God I couldn't wait to see him.Then I realized it was Wednesday and I hadn't heard from him. That started another worry. Why hadn't I heard from him? Did our date go badly? It didn't seem like it. And, I then I remembered it was a fake date. Ugh. Damn it. Kay had said I needed to come clean this Friday, and at the time it seemed like a good idea. Now I wasn't so sure. Hell, I wasn't sure if we were still on for Friday. For our fake date. God, Anna, this practice dummy thing may have been the stupidest idea you've ever come up with.The voice on the intercom snapped me out of my fog and I tried to gather up all the papers my boss needed for his next meeting. Of course, I grabbed them wrong and they dumped out of my hands and all over the floor.Fuck.Thursday was no better work wise, But at least it was no worse either. I had begun to find my center on the. I missed those days so much I came to the end of the boardwalk, mentally exhausted. I was tired of fighting with my melancholy. I never won anyway. The only thing that would drown my sadness was sex and lots of it. If I wasn’t fucking my boyfriend senseless, I would masturbate myself to sleep. I knew I should have been studying for midterms, but I couldn’t concentrate. I was becoming a sex-a-holic and needed to fuck as often as I could. Sex didn’t solve my problems, but it certainly took away my sadness. I pulled up my hood of my jacket as I took one last look at the waves. I could see the white foam on the sand and little else. The days are much shorter now. I still have a hard time with that- shorter, colder days, grey skies, and impending holidays which means more social demands from the family. I never had such a hard time adjusting to the change of seasons. I guess a summer of sex would do that do you. I blew on my cold hands as I shuffled to my car. As soon as it turned.
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