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Solomon from across the road.“Hi, Mrs. Solomon,” I said at the busty woman. She had a boob job and was always showing them off. Mom hated her. Mrs. Solomon was a trophy wife and lounged around all day sipping wine and flirting with the pool boy. She was watering her flowers in a pair of shorts so tight that she must have painted them on. Not even my sister wore shorts that tight.“Is your aunt going to be around?” asked Stacey as we reached my house. “Last time I was here she went on a rant about men. It wasn't fun.”“She's just bitter about getting cheated on by Unc... By her ex-husband.” It was so weird that I didn't have an Uncle Mike any longer. My Aunt Nadine had even gone back to her maiden name, Law. She was my mother's sister and living with us right now.I liked Uncle Mike more than Aunt Nadine. It sucked that she was the one I was related to and not him.“I don't see her car in the driveway,” I said. “That's a good sign. She's probably at Pilates again.”“Good,” my friend. Over the course of the next hour Katy put on a great show. She had a little something for everybody. She sang her pipes out for the younger audience that enjoyed her music and made numerous skimpy costume changes for all the dads, boyfriends, and brothers that got dragged here who have jerked off to her hundreds (in my case, maybe thousands) of times.There was a brief hiatus between one set of her songs, I assumed another costume change (which I got excited about), when a security guard tapped me on the shoulder. “Jacob DeWall?” Shocked, I answered… “Yeah that’s me. Is something wrong? Another guard gave me these tickets, I —“He chuckled. “No, not at all. This really seems to be your lucky day.” He slapped a VIP “Birthday winner” sticker on my shirt.“What’s this?” “Happy birthday dude.” My date screamed. “Oh my god you actually won!”“We’re going to Hawaii?” I asked.“No, I’m sorry - I lied about that part.”“Wait, what did I win then?”The guard chimed back in - “Dude, you’re going up.
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