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Hell, I think even an "I miss you" would suffice but instead, it has been "I still care for you," which only make me feel even more ridiculous about the way that I feel as well as disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen in the first place. I feel so foolish for having allowed myself to be caught up in a tangled web that only turned out to be full of lies and unrealistic dreams and expectations. As hard has it is to explain and in spite of all the hurt he has caused, I still believe that he is the person I am meant to be with in this life. It is not every day that you find someone who makes you feel the way he has made me feel and as pathetic as it is to admit, I don't want to let him go. So, with that, I have decided to settle for this, "friendship."I have decided to settle for continuing to interact with him in any way that is possible to do so, whether that means I only get to talk to him once a week or even once a year. I have elected to watch him live his life with a. .. stop me if I'm being too nosy." Yes, but I don't think of them as a long term occupation. I don't see myself as a John Grisham or Steven King type writer. This current three-book deal is a 'one off' for now. I'm not sure I would sign another one. It forces me to write rather than write when the mood and the ideas strike me." You're very lucky, Cam. You can dictate your work load. Not many people can do that." True, but it only works as long as someone wants to publish my writings. Otherwise," he grinned, "I'm unemployed." Do you have anything of yours that I can read?" she asked.He sat for a while without answering her until, "I'll give you the pre-edited manuscript of my next book. I'd like to hear what you think of it so far. Will that be okay?" Yes ... of course, but I'm very hesitant to offer an opinion." Do you read novels?" he asked."Yes ... I had a library card in Kamloops and used it regularly." Okay ... you are my target audience; someone who reads regularly. Your opinion.
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