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The next time I saw him must've been a couple of months later. I was a party and he showed up.When I saw him, I figured it was time for me to move on, but he caught my arm as I was heading out the door and asked if he could talk to me for a couple of minutes. He wasn't drinking or anything, so I just nodded and we moved off to a quiet place and he really apologized. I was amazed. He told me he had been thinking about his behavior and how he treated me and realized that he been a real ass and most of his friends thought so too. I agreed that he had acted like an ass and treated me poorly and told him so in a quiet voice. I had time to think about a lot of the things and realized that I had allowed this to happen as well. By the end of the talk, we agreed to be friends but not see each other exclusively like we had ... and I found myself in bed with him that night.So we evolved into something else. I saw other people as he did, but sometimes we would hook up and it was usually pretty. That place was horrible! They told me I was crazy and placed meon a number of different prescriptions-they had severe side effects, andthose side effects required more prescriptions. After two weeks in thehospital, I was discharged. A social worker found me a small, dirty,cockroach-infested room in a boarding house for mental patients. I becamevery depressed and down.As well the physical pain from my arm, which had never been properlytreated, was getting worse! I worry about becoming addicted to the painkillers that they give me. All I can say is: this is some life. Some days I want to die. I have alsohad flashbacks in public and some people think that I'm dangerous. I wanthelp but I don't think they can give it to me. Today, I was told about a new experimental treatment that the developerwants to test. A nurse at the hospital (I go to a day program formentally ill people every day, and physical therapy twice a week) askedme if I'd like to go and be a guinea pig. I say, "why not?" I.
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