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At first I thought I could take the pain. I did my best to remain still and quiet. "I'll show them," I thought. "He can spank me all day before I'll obey him." I resolved not to put on a show for these brutes. Perhaps that was why I did not struggle to escape. Or perhaps I realized it would be futile. They would only tie me and the punishment would be even worse. Whatever the reason, I did not try to escape. But it wasn't long before I was begging for mercy and vowing to obey his every wish. In retrospect I suppose it was this lack of resolve that humiliated me as much as anything. In my experience since then I have found that nothing tests the will as much a sound spanking. Everything in the world seems to lose perspective compared with the pain--a simple pain that seems bearable on the surface. Yet the spanking is deceitful--its nature is humiliation, not pain, and the humiliation eventually wins. I tried to shut my eyes to keep from seeing the leering faces of the men. It felt like a relief, to know she went through the same thing, and it helped to know she found someone as caring as my brother.Tommy snapped me out of my pondering, "Jackie, what are you thinking?"I stammered, "I just - it's just so..."Tommy urged me to continue, "It's okay, don't feel bad, just say what you are thinking..." I'm freaked-out. It's about the whole orgasm thing." I know, it must feel confusing." I should probably tell you something." Okay..."I spoke nervously, "Well - I mean, I - Just once - well, I - I don't know, I was alone and I tried to - you know - give myself an orgasm, but - I just felt - I just couldn't and I stopped."He calmly reassured me, "That's good that you tried." Really?" Yes, you should try again - it could be really nice for you."Hearing him act so supportive was such a relief for me.I actually wanted to tell him more, to really explain just exactly what I did, and how sensitive I felt when I tried. But I just felt too overwhelmed.The tent felt like.
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