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I couldn’t feel the brunt of the lust that I was once in. This feeling of complete nothingness was addictive. I had to do it again and again and again. This high was all I wanted. Another few days passed. My high dragged on from day to day to day. How I managed to stay working and stay alive was puzzling. I faintly remembered the days that passed by at work where I would continually feign a little smile for my superiors and the smiling customers. But the minute my numb high wore off and I was able to get my hands on more pills, I was off again, diving into the depths of numbness as my painkillers took my pain away for shorter moments each time. Then I needed something more. I needed the pain to go away for good. The side effects of my pill addiction were, in no way, pretty. All of the drugs in combination with my mostly empty stomach and thinning figure created unpleasant conditions for me. No matter how much water I could drink or how much bread and crackers I would eat, the. I have ever read and followed books to live for many years. When I was 19 years old, I set up a to-do-list which could be useful, interesting, attractive or important for coming ten, twenty years. I have forgot most of them, the one I still remember but have never try it seriously yet is equestrianism. One of the achievement in my list was to have a diploma. That was not really a challenge though, it was just to finish enough routine, boring, established courses and exams. I even didn't need to think about to choose these courses. That kind of to-do-list might be still good and useful, but it was very naïve.There is always many things you love to do and then you try your best to do it in your life; unfortunately, most of these things were not in your to-do list. You follows your heart, your feelings. For example, your first kiss with your lover, first long kiss, first touch to your lover's body. I have something I love to do and have fulfilled it since I was a little k**: being.
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