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I wondered briefly, when I was crossing a bridge, what it would be like to just turn the wheel and find the bottom of the gorge. It had an appeal. One didn’t feel pain in the grave. I let the thought wander away. I did not fear death, but had a healthy respect for dying. Knowing my luck, I would wake up in the hospital missing my arms and legs. I purposely drove into the night. I wanted to put many miles between Phoenix and me. It didn’t eliminate the pain, but at least it felt like I was accomplishing something. I tried in vain to think of my art. Something that was so simple for me before, became a burden. I had to force the colors and they never felt right. Anger and disappointment were overshadowing my thoughts and my art was suffering. I didn’t like myself anymore. I was home for five days and hadn’t even entered the workshop. The river flowed without me. It held memories of lunches that would never be repeated. I ate, I walked and I brooded. I tried to use music to change my. I was soo horny when I was younger, I pretty much was looking for sex all of the time. It made it hard to have a relationship, because I would take a guy home a lot of times without even knowing his last name, and just get down on my knees and suck his cock as soon as we walked in the door of my apartment. Or I would be so horny that I would not even wait until we got inside, and pull down my pants, and make him fuck me in the ass right there on the steps going up to my apartment. When you act like that, it is hard to start up a relationship afterwards, but certainly not hard to get them to fuck me again any time I wanted. It was really my extreme sexual desire that kept me fucking all those guys when I was in my twenties.”“How many guys do you think that you fucked before me?”She thought for a minute, and then said, “I think that is probably about 50, but I don’t know exactly, and it may be a little more. Remember, I was getting laid a couple of time a week from the age of.
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