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I could feel his warmth and his breath against my neck. I turned to find Umraan. I was relieved but tensed too cause he was standing too close invading my personal space. Mere hath mai ek book thi which I was holding too tight now. Maine usse Thora push karne ka try kia saying “mujhe billing karwani h books ki” but vo bilkul nhi hilla. Ab mujhe darr sa lagne laga tha…usnai fir apne hath mere bare thighs per move karne lage or mere kr close aagya. “Umraan???” Maine bola “kya kar rhe ho koi dekh lega”Per koi aasar nhi para. Uske hath ab mere butts or back tak aagye the. He was getting all the feel of my body. Maine Thora rokne ka try kia but again no use.He then leaned forward….mere neck se baal hataye or mere neck bone k pass kiss karne laga. Dhire dhire he started moving upwards or mere neck or jawline k pass kiss karne laga tha. I honestly couldn’t believe what was happening but the feeling of his lips against my skin was irresistible. I wanted more and more of him. Meri breathing. It has been 4 years now, but I will not forget the promise I made to myself. I still do not have the courage to confront her. Maybe I will never have. This is one of many reasons I have never submitted to anyone else. I had to keep my promise.I did not crave submission. After she left, the disappointment, anger, emptiness made me a different person – a person sometimes even I don’t recognize. I lived – happily, with my army of pets – but never content.All these thoughts rushed through me, bringing back the longing, insecurity, disappointment, anger, and frustration with it. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and concentrated on my breathing.Feeling the air enter my nostrils, slowly filling the lungs, expanding my bosom, nipples rubbing against the bra. Then slowly leaving the body back through my nostrils along with all the anger, frustration, and disappointment.This technique was suggested by my therapist. She asked me to do it every time I felt overwhelmed. It works. On most.
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