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‘Are you implying that I am not nice? I think you need to learn a thing or two about how some things work. First, last night, you swore to love, honor, and obey me. I have told you to be respectful, last night when you weren’t I did hit you, but it fixed the problem, didn’t it?’ ‘It didn’t fix the problem, it made me afraid of you. Is that what you want? For me to be respectful of you out of fear, and not because I think you are someone worthy of my respect?’ ‘What are you talking about, you are afraid of me?’ ‘Yes, somewhat less now than last night, but still yes.’ ‘I don’t want to rule our relationship with fear, how do I fix this?’ ‘I don’t know, it will take time, I need to know you aren’t going to hit me, and it is more than just a promise, I’m afraid of you, afraid that even if you promised, you would lose your temper and hit me.’ ‘Well, we will work on this, you can work on learning to love me, and I will work on making you trust me.’ I think about this and decide it may work. Now the mood was sombre, the night long, the TV a soporific bore. My heart was aching with loneliness and insecurity. I desperately wanted to kiss her, to fuck her, to be accepted by her, for her very essence to testify in thunderous waves my worthiness, my lovableness, my desirability. I needed her tonight, that was all that mattered, and her sadness bounced off me as if I was in a diving bell, impregnable. At that moment in time, that chance for love, like a silver sword upon vibrant sparks a future self came slicing through my aroused introspection. Forget your worries, it said to me, show some love to this beautiful soul. My bleary heart could barely stand to see myself standing there, beaming a great smile of stars. You want to be loved? Then share some love my dear friend. Don’t worry, you can do it. I looked to her, drunk and dejected on the sofa beside me. When I looked back to my future self he had gone, but a little star had remained in my chest, unseen. ‘Kim?’ I said, my.
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